And in that case you would be WRONG!
We got out to seeing the Giraffes’ home cumming show at Mercury Lounge this past Saturday (4/12) and as always I had my head thoroughly rocked then blown to shit. I just cant get enough of them. It’s basically the best thing I’ve experienced, second to getting laid…seriously. And now I’m sitting here with a busted knee and a sore back remenissing (i’ll get audrey to fix the spelling on that.. audrey says: reminiscing! but i want to leave it the other way because it has more character..) on the night.
So where to start…well after acquiring ourselves some Malibu for the evening’s festivities we headed back over to Mercury Lounge and there was the one and only, 60% gay man with the plan, Damien Paris. (you know i really like these guys, even outside of their music, they’re awesome) and this mother fucker greets us with the biggest hug…and kisses… (He’s definitely the only guy i could watch grab Audrey and fake hump her with a strap on dildo and not be upset). I’m waiting on my Dodo…man still waiting.
Awkward moments pass involving an old Chevy and a self proclaimed anti-christ, then Drew comes along. I’m interested in seeing his new lotto commercial, put that shit up you filthy son of a bitch!! Just so you many readers out there know, if it does get on the internetz it will be founded here, check that shit out anyway, then when you’re done creaming your pants write me a report. 350 pages minimum, I want it on my desk by Wednesday.
Didn’t see Jens till after the show… but cool is he
Then be the Aaron, who most unfortunately on the last fucking show of the tour basically loses his voice… and yet once they hit the stage (after the power pop wonder that is Wormburner, which I’ll leave up to Audrey to write about if she feels so inclined to) he still can relentlessly belt out the vocals the same way this mother fucker always does. Now it may only be from screaming at the show or maybe sharing drinks from the stage with Aaron, and just about everyone else, but it’s two days later and my voice still feels shot…
“Laryngitis, the other STD!” Ha, that shit doesn’t even make sense.
Now that I’m done raving on about the Giraffes like a gay little fan boy, Stay tuned for Audrey’s notes on the show….
-Captain
********
ONCE UPON A TIME..
.. april 12th at the mercury lounge kicked the shit out of me. period.
time and time again i am reminded just how different the giraffes are - just how much they perfectly exemplify the rare combination of musical skill, ingenuity, and talent with a top notch (read: balls out, cracked out, out of control, outrageously fun, cock, balls, and more balls, oh and did i mention insanely entertaining??????????..??) live show.
there’s something about being at a giraffes show that knocks the life back into you - and then sucks it all right out of you again (fuckers).
in a world like this, where you fight to hang on to your joy (and your sanity, for christ’s sake), through the struggles with work, money, worries, health problems of your own and that of your family, trying to make the most out of time that we never, ever seem to have enough of, keeping your head on straight just so you can barely grind through the day - it means so much to go to a show and be thankful to be alive at that very moment … so you can get splashed with beer and spit and sore and deafened and remember what being alive really feels like. it feels like a fucking giraffes show.
the captain and i saw them open for MSI in 2006 and finally saw them again a week or two after my 21st birthday in 2007, and after that we haven’t missed a NYC show (besides their second CMJ show at galapagos, but that was an insane couple of days). every single time stood out, and even in that shitbox rockwood music hall, the music was dead-on, the energy was practically spilling out of them (read: their assholes), and each time you remember again why rock and roll - REAL rock and roll - is pure joy. outrageous and unapologetic, just as it should be.
from the first time we saw the giraffes, they stole the show. we were insanely psyched for MSI but by the end of the night, the giraffes’ set stood out more than theirs did. it was a fucking PERFORMANCE! a display of insanity, i guess. we knew absolutely nothing about this band, but we were hardcoreously entertained. it was like a lounge singer crooning over old school rock and metal riffs - while flipping off the crowd, pouring beer into open mouths and onto someone’s head, throwing shit.. and the chemistry between the singer and guitarist was so fun to watch - we were just watching and laughing and rocking out as the singer scowled at the crowd and grabbed the guitarist into a headlock, even brushing his hair while he was soloing and god knows what else, i can’t even remember.. the drummer hocked loogies into the crowd that landed on some bitch who proceeded to sit down on the floor, hunched against the barricade, for the rest of the set. they were hilarious to watch and amazing to listen to - and thankfully that hasn’t ever changed.
i have such a fondness for these guys that has come out of the fact that they are as awesome, funny, random, perverse, smart, raunchy, and witty as their music is. also because we know that behind the cracked out jokes and the crazy shows are a couple of guys that are trying so damn hard to survive the daily grind, just like us. struggling through the bullshit to keep making this music that everybody and their dog (yeah, a strange expression, i know) should get to hear. with the way the world is (gay), and the way the music industry is (gayer), we can’t help but worry or get frustrated sometimes, and only wish that we could do more.. ultimately, the giraffes are the rarest of breeds - and neither of us want to imagine a world without them. (ya heard, motherfuckers?!)
you forget what it’s like to really experience rock and roll until you’re there. up against the stage and under the lights getting your ears blasted out, swaying deliriously and laughing and jumping and screaming out random shit and headbanging and fist-pumping and belting out lyrics and drink chucking and getting hit with beer and spit and chugging whatever the fuck is thrust into your face or cup by someone onstage - it’s exactly what great rock and roll forgot it was.
aaron (who, like the cap mentioned, unfortunately wasn’t feeling so well but rocked it the fuck out, as always, nevertheless) picked up our white malibu bottle - “i thought this was cocoa butter.” he called out “who wants some?!” and sprayed chloraseptic into the crowd. they were taking requests - eric: lootin’ in the AM! drew: FUCK YOU! - briefly. damien jumped into the crowd, our friend alex latched onto him, everyone was swaying and laughing and pushing and then eric shoved d. back onstage, only to have him curse the assholes that thought it was funny to untune his guitar ;D there were ass slaps and grabs and hugs and kisses and fucked up comments galore, before and after - switching drinks during the show, damien gobbling some guy’s spit that landed on his face, drew gleefully playing drums while blindfolded with a scarf over his eyes, damien soloing with his crotch in my face, jens popping a bottle of champagne over aaron’s head, aaron laughing as damien milks a solo - it’s never the same, but in some ways it is, because it’s the same guys we’d get sweat soaked, beer drenched, deafened, and truly goddamn entertained by any day of the fucking week.
there were points in the show where i had a pain in my side and my chest was tight and i couldn’t even breathe from moving so much, but it was too good to stop (oh yeah). you just realize in the middle of it, just how mishka shubaly ended his SXSW article i liked so much - in a moment, all of this could be gone.
being at a giraffes show.. it’s like a huge FUCK YOU to a life that never stops wanting to dropkick you in the face. it’s like stopping that moment that’s always one step ahead of you and raping it for all it’s worth before it darts away.
i was in the crowd just thinking - here we all are, this is fucking amazing, and i’m thankful just to see it happen.
that’s what music is about.
that, anal rape, and sandy vag. and POWERPOP and nonproblematic problems.
cocoa butter.
the end.
- audrey
.. i fucking love the giraffes!
for the record:
aaron lazar-vox
damien paris-guitar
drew totolos-drums
jens carstensen-bass
